Tag: counting sheep

More times than I think it would happen I am asked if I am retired. Most times I will say something like “I own two businesses but have flexible hours, working when I want.”  It is a fair, honest answer.

Yet it is also an incorrect answer.

I still have my two businesses. Since Covid I have not put forth the effort into either of them I should have, especially since I moved to my current home. I am also the Board President for my self-managed community. I have been doing that for almost the full four years I have lived here.

Being on the board, much less President was nothing I had planned. I will save that story for another post when I introduce my third business. But I will tell you that being the President of this community has been a full-time job. It should not be, but it is.

Like most every other adult, I still have adulting to do. Another full-time job. One that pays even worse than being Board President. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, running errands, making decisions, helping others, and making sure I walk or go to the gym. 24 x 7.

When I am asked “are you retired” the truly honest answer should be “No. I am never NOT tired.” To re something implies that you stopped something. Being tired is something I have never stopped being.

In my younger days I fought through it because I was going to work then going out with friends or on a date. I would get up early, stay out way to late and start the cycle all over again.

Once you get married, have kids, get a real adult job, take on adult responsibilities, when are you not tired? Seems I have not had a good night’s sleep in over 35 years. I am tired.

I am always tired.

Last year the best sleep I got was when I went to a movie. Only made it to 26 movies. I had better sleep in 2023 when I got almost 70 movies.

The problem is not falling asleep. I can fall asleep anywhere. Doctors’ waiting rooms, the gym (those stationary, recumbent bikes can make for good sleeping), my car (when in park). In front of the tv when I am trying to focus. The library. Coffee shops. Airplanes.

The sleep is just not good sleep. The sleep is just not plentiful.

I was tested for sleep apnea. I have it / had it. I had surgery to fix things. Was given a CPAP. The surgery did what it was supposed to. CPAP did not.

How in the world can anyone sleep with an engine running next to your ears while wearing a mask with a long hose? Every time you move, the mask comes lose and it whistles like a rusty harmonica. (Tried that for a month. No sleep was had.)

Yet I am writing this post today after getting up from the sofa at 11 PM to go to bed. Getting to bed around 4AM. Falling asleep about 7AM and giving up on the concept of sleeping at 8:30 AM.

I do not drink any caffeine. I will not use any sleep aid (I take something today; I will still feel dysfunctional for the next three. Heck, so dysfunctional that I could be a GOP Congress person or Elon Musk).

I am tired.

I wish I was re-tired. It would mean that at some point I was not tired. If I was not tired, it means I must have gotten sleep. After sleep, I had a full day and retired.

Oh, well maybe I just need to

(Sorry fell asleep)